More people started to roll into the house…
A group of lesbian rugby players
A team of young poets
An improv comedy troupe
A wiry-looking snake handler with more than fifty exotic snakes; some poisonous, some harmless
Dozens and dozens of kids that I slightly knew from various places
A ballet ensemble
A group of young sleekly dressed alternative hipsters
A bunch of backpackers from various faraway places
And more people of every race and creed, religion and perversion. They all showed up in droves to the greatest party in the history of partying
The Snake Handler
“Alright Joe, before anything else you got to go do something,” Dave told me, pointing his body down the hall. “You feeling lucky today buddy?”
None of us knew what he was talking about.
“Follow me bro.”
We walked behind him and he took us to the Snake Chamber (as it was called). There I met Chuck.
I had no idea who this guy was or where the hell he came from. Dave found him somehow through his vast array of contacts. His specialty was snakes. He toured around the country with his elongated friends to add an extra amount of culture and edge to house parties and various social events. He had wavy blond hair, a transparent goatee, khaki shorts, and thick leather boots.
One of my rooms was converted into a snake lover’s paradise. There were various props, branches, and edibles set up along the walls for the creatures to climb on and eat. A few rats and mice scurried across the floor waiting for their imminent deaths. The space was supposed to help people to conquer their fears. Anyone who laid with the snakes for an hour or longer was considered fearless and ready to defeat any worldly challenge. Chuck was very professional and had the right type of anti-venoms at hand in case any kids got bit. This was another one of the wildest things that we had at the party.
Everyone thought that I should be the one to go first because I was the host.
I saw anacondas, pythons, boas, rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, copperheads, and a few harmless four-foot-long garden snakes. He even had giant black scorpions, tarantulas, and hissing cockroaches. He pretty much had every nasty creature you could think of in there.
“Alright, bud listen up. This is one hundred percent safe I´ve done it a thousand times myself. The main thing you have to do is stay calm and do not threaten the animals. They have all been fed, so they will not eat you, as long as you don’t cause them any harm. Alright, have fun Joe!”
I took off my shoes and clothes. He opened the little-improvised door and I went inside. Part of the ritual was to go in without any clothes on, so I only had on my white boxer shorts. That’s it. I carefully walked to the center of the room. Nearly crunching scorpions and tarantulas beneath my feet. I laid down on the ground.
A six-foot-long rattlesnake was right beside my face. The tip of his tail brushed against my lips. The only thing I could do was lay there and breathe. It was the most disgusting experience of my life. But the animals were surprisingly calm and well behaved. They moved about the room, exploring every nook and cranny. Climbing on their branches. Munching on leaves and rats. And brushing up against each other and me as they creeped along. There was one fight though.
The anaconda was staring at the boa constrictor. They were the two biggest animals in the room. Their reptilian eyes locked for several minutes in an intense scary stare. They rapidly began to intertwine and choke each other out. The boa bit into the anaconda’s side. He must have bitten in the right location in his body, in the heart or a main artery, cause his blood was spewing out and oozing all over. The boa dislocated his jaw, opened his mouth super-wide and commenced to eat the anaconda as I laid on the floor and watched just a few feet away from them.
He couldn’t swallow the entire snake (it must have been thirty-five feet long or longer). He violently shook his head and upper body, tearing and ripping apart the anaconda’s torso, eventually snapping its vertebrae and breaking his body in half. Leaving the rest of his dead carcass on the ground for the other creatures to feast on.
I thought Chuck said they had already eaten? WTF
Then I heard Chuck say, “They do that sometimes bub. Those are both rival males, so eventually one of the two had to be killed. It’s just what they do, but it’s not dangerous for you, so don’t worry Joe.”
I literally had anaconda blood and every type of snake and creature of the jungle feasting right beside me and Chuck said its fine.
Ohh – Fuck – Chuck, I thought.
I waited and waited and breathed and didn’t want to seem like a big pussy, so I just let the animals crawl all over me and do their thing.
There were several dozen creatures in contact with my bare skin. Tarantulas congregated by my sweating toes. Giant scorpions crawled upon my cold thighs looking for a cozy spot to rest near my crotch. Big heavy cottonmouth snakes laid on my head as if it were a comfortable nest. Hissing cockroaches brushed up against my ears, whispering in their mysterious tongue as they scurried past.
Despite all my creepy crawly company, I actually found peace at one point and fell asleep. Their serpentine aura was relaxing somehow. They accepted me. They knew I wasn’t a threat, so I just took a nap until Chuck let me know when the time was up.
Three hours later…
“Hey bub, time’s up. I wanted to get you out sooner, but I saw you sleeping and in total peace, so I didn’t want to bother you. Pretty awesome, huh bud?”
He came in the room wearing his metallic snake proof gear and began to pick the creatures off of me one by one as if he were picking up frosted cupcakes and tossed them all aside. He carefully helped me up and we stepped out of the room.
“Well, thanks, Chuck. That was interesting. I didn’t realize I would fall asleep in there.”
“Yeah bub, that only happens to those who truly have no fear of snakes. You are fearless bub. Good job!
“What are you gonna do with the dead anaconda carcass?” I asked him.
“Oh, I´ll just leave his remains in there. Those snakes are like hungry dogs. They´ll clean every scrap off the floor and in an hour or two you won’t even see a piece of the anaconda or a drop of blood. They´ll just eat and lick everything right up. They are very thorough you know.”
Holy crap that’s cool! I thought.
And then the next adventurous adolescent kid got himself ready. He removed his clothes and jumped into the Snake Chamber with a dumb smile on his face.
Time to Mingle!
I got dressed, feeling more bold and proud than ever before, and began to wander around my home to meet new people.
“Hey, what´s up?” I said to this one kid who was standing in the corner of my living room. The karaoke machine was set up. He sang an old 1969 classic by Frank Sinatra, with the deepest voice. He had the smooth face of an adolescent boy and he sounded just like Old Blue Eyes. Incredible!
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I’ve traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say – not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes, it was my way
He looked beautiful as he sang! Bobbing up and down and weaving the lines of the chorus along. A young gifted musician in his element. His brain dead friends sat behind him looking like burnt out morons. This kid had ¨It¨ and I may have been the only one that recognized his superb ability. He sang from his heart and throat and made me jubilant as I listened to his singing.
“Don´t ever stop,” I told the young kid, patting him on the shoulder.
Rugby Players and Ballet Dancers
I then went to the great weed shrine. The ballet girls were in there mingling with the rugby playing lesbians. What an odd combination. The ultra-feminine, right beside the super-masculine. They seemed to be getting along just fine though.
One of the manliest looking lesbians of the group was sharing a hand-held bong pipe with the sweetest looking ballet dancer that I had ever seen. She was a fine and delicate beauty, while the lesbian looked as strong and tough as an old grizzled Alaskan lumberjack. Their arms were locked together at the elbow and I swear I think my extra potent bud made them see each other eye-to-eye, so to speak.
I didn’t want to interrupt them. I was content to stand back and watch their little exchange. Each girl took hits from the bong and with each hit their faces shined brighter and brighter. Their bodies loosened up and their laughter and joy increased to the point where the lesbian rugby players removed all their tough competitive gear and put on the pink tights and ballet tutus. It was truly an amazing site!
They morphed before our very eyes into shiny dancing princesses. The ballet team gave them personalized lessons and the lesbians caught on fast! I didn’t mind watching. I actually took up a chair and sat by smoking on my pipe while they danced, twirled around, bounced up and down, stretched their hairy legs, and balanced on their tippy toes. Jimbo sat beside me. We both watched the strange athletic performance.
“Pretty cool huh Joe?”
“Yeah man, I ain´t ever seen anything like that before!”
In another room, the poets were in the midst of a deeply insightful, poetic trance. No doubt, induced by the copious amounts of THC crystals which surged through everyone’s veins.
One poet, after another, began to say the most bizarre and profound things. Some of it made sense and other chants and rants were as confusing and nonsensical as trying to read the ingredients of a box of cereal in Arabic or Swahili.
A young sleek looking hipster poet was seen in the midst of a poetic speech. This was what he said in his best poets voice:
To party or not to party
That is the question everybody
What is it my dear friends that separates us from the outside world?
Is it our clothing?
Our funky fashions?
Our booze and water bongs?
Our tripped out wagons?
Our loose fitting pants?
Our love for all things psychedelic?
Our quest to search for hidden relics?
No, I say, none of this matters
I will tell you…
I’ll tell you all what truly matters
What truly matters within the all-encompassing mystery of life
What cuts through it all with the sharpness of a knife
What separates us
(wait for it)
(he took a moment to think of the next line and create anticipation)
We are free and living in our element
We are united
And completely relevant
We are willing to change history and go further than any man
We are bold and strong and fearless
As brave as any TroJan
We are willing to lay amongst the serpents
And defiantly stare into the eyes of our enemies without blinking
On a long endless journey of Elevated Thinking
As he went on poetically, Black Jack walked by and gave him a listen. He stopped in his tracks and fell into the poet’s trance. He started to agree with everything he said;
“Yes, Yes, that’s right!”
We are one with each other and one with the Universe
“Yes, Yes, that’s it. Go, Go, Come on!”
We are never going to Stop, we are never going to Rest
We will continue on this journey till the ends of time
Proudly protruding our Breast!
“Yes, yes, yes, yes!”
We are going to fly to the very edge of the atmosphere
and when we get there
We will break through that thin bubble
“Yes, yes, let´s go, man!”
We will burst through and continue till we explore the entire universe
Carefully avoiding all kinds of trouble
Then we´ll travel to other Universes!
“Yes, I´m with you! Ohhh hell yeah, dude. I want to trip with you man!”
The young poet was sweating profusely. His shirt became crooked and disheveled. His beard twisted into itself and grew longer before our very eyes. His dreads got thicker.
“Yes, yes, man, go on. Go on past the wilds of the universe!” Black Jack seemed to continue for the young poet, as he was utterly exhausted and got lost somewhere out there in the great beyond…
We will meet alien creatures and intelligent Martians. We´ll communicate through telepathy
We´ll dance and prance and bed the sexiest space babes of the galaxy without usin rubbers!
We´ll bring gifts of booze and wine and bud and we´ll have huge intergalactic orgies on other planets
We´ll create new evolved species
We´ll adapt to live on any planet and in any dimension
We´ll switch between bodies and hover between the spiritual and physical realms
Jack’s face was no longer black but it became red and purplish as he went deeper and deeper into the trance.
Now everyone else was chanting and edging him on. Pushing him to go further with his exclamations. I don’t even know if this was considered poetry or not but we were all excited and high as fuck!
We will travel in little metallic saucers moving faster than the speed of thought and light
As weightless and formless beings
Totally evolved, adapted and capable of anything we set our minds to!
“Yes, Go Jack, Go Jack Go,” we all shouted.
But he couldn’t go on anymore. It was too intense for him and he lost his train of thought. His face and eyes were blood red/purple and almost oozing outwards as if he might spontaneously transform into an evolved alien creature.
Then I continued the poem where he left off. In this way, we switched and added on to each other’s insane lines…
And once we reach this higher level of evolution and consciousness, what will be our goals?
What task must we accomplish?
How will we improve the world and society?
We can do anything we want
I say we abolish racism and discrimination
I say we provide medicinal herbs for every man woman and child
I say we evolve as one
As a single species
On a quest greater than ourselves
In this way, we will grow and nurture the world and other planets
And other planetary species will respect and honor us
They´ll have no need to annihilate or destroy us cause our knowledge and experience will be precious and valuable to all life within the cosmos…
We continued for many hours in this way. Each poem uncovered a new revelation and insight and broadened our understanding of our place within the universe. While simultaneously strengthening our friendships, bringing us all closer together. This was a magical moment and one of the highlights of the party…