I want to use this opportunity to share with you all some of my vast experience in the field of Latin American nightclubbing (this story is loosely based on my own wanderings of the night).
I’ve been living in Colombia for several years now and I have a lot of stories to tell about this region, too many actually. Today, I’ll be writing about one of my wildest nights out in a lesser known city called Bucaramanga, which is home to an infinite amount of gorgeous Latinas.
So readers, lend me your ears, get comfortable, take a few shots of your favorite whiskey or tequila and enjoy the tale. A tale you won’t soon forget!
I arrived to Bucaramanga alone, it was my first time there. A city that is located in the department of Santander. An isolated part of Colombia with perfect weather, not too hot or humid, it’s just the right temperature. You can go out at night with a t-shirt on, and not a drop of sweat will leave your brow, unless you’re dancing with the sexy women that inhabit this great city. In that case, they will make you sweat from every pore of your body, and you will happily sweat with them as your bodies grind together into the sweetest and most perverse hours of the night. Anyways, more on that coming up…
I got to town, found a nice hotel room that cost about ten-bucks in your gringo money. A very comfortable room, on the 7th floor, with a big screen TV, huge bed, private washroom, and a great view overlooking the bustling Bucaramanga streets that are always teaming with life and commercial activity of every kind. Shoe stores (tons of those), fast food joints, manic-taxi drivers and motorcycles whizzing through traffic. Men, women, and children running around, buying shit, yelling at each other in Spanish, while hot babes dressed to kill prance up and down the gritty streets looking fine.
That’s one of the first things I noticed about Bucaramanga, the women are fine as fuck. They are not short like most of their sisters that hail from other parts of the country. They are tall, curvaceous, have a great fashion sense, perfectly manicured nails, long flowing black hair and eyes like Egyptian Goddesses from times long past.
You should come here and just look at their dark alluring features and tell me that God himself hasn’t made a more beautiful creature amongst all his innumerable creations. He really took his sweet time with these ones. Giving them the perfect balance of height, curves and Latina appeal that can only be described as living and breathing Goddesses who walk amongst us in the human form.
Of course, not all the women are perfect tens, like any other city in the world, the women come in all shapes and varieties – just trying to be honest here.
So, as I sat in a huge modern Centro Comercial (mall), I liked to think that I was being productive with my time, like I was learning cultural shit or promoting my businesses or something. But in reality, I was just sitting around the food court area, chain-eating ice cream and checking out the lovely Santanderiana’s as they passed me by. Which was fun, but I couldn’t wait for my friend Ted (name has been changed to protect his identity) to arrive. He was flying in from overseas that afternoon. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. He was one of my best friends from back home. We used to party a lot and it was his first time coming to Latin America, so I knew this trip was going to be epic!
Soon the both of us would be united in one of the city’s best clubs, surrounded by these sensual Latina queens, and who knows what the hell was going to happen at that point. We’re both handsome dudes and have decent game, so I was pretty excited!
When Ted arrived in town from a long 15-hour international flight he had no idea what he was getting himself into. I met him at the hotel, we decided to go out that night, which luckily was a Friday. I knew there would be countless people out and about.
We washed up, got dressed in our club gear, and hit the streets. Choosing the right club was like two video game addicted teens trying to choose the best game at Best Buy. There were too many to pick from in the neighborhood we were in!
We eventually chose one (I forget what it was called), got inside and it was already quite busy. Latinos were spread out across the room, moving their bodies while sipping on beer and cocktails. Not bad at all, it was only 8PM. Ted and I were in serious party mode, like two mad hyenas ready to pounce and bang any hot fertile female within dicks reach.
I looked around the place and noticed five chicks hovering around each other, staring at their cell phones. Two of them were hot, two were average, and the other one was a 2. She was short and scrawny, with the features of an evil goblin. I thought, these are the ones, we must save them from their boredom! I went in to strike – I mean flirt with the girls.
Now remember, we are both good looking dudes with decent social skills. The only problem was, my friend just arrived in the country, it’s his first day here, he’s got intense jetlag, and he doesn’t speak Spanish…
I approached the girls. They were happy to meet me. I waved Ted over to join in the conversation. I acted as an interpreter between him and the ladies. We found a booth and all sat down.
The two hot ones were exceptional! They were dressed like super-human sluts. I still get horny just thinking about those two. Ted was sitting in the corner and the 2 with the doggy face was looking at him as if he were a scrumptious German sausage. She sat right next to him and started to touch his thighs and push her body against him.
This required no effort on his part. All I could do was sit back and laugh. He seemed to be enjoying the attention. Where he’s from, women don’t just walk up to you and start rubbing their tits against you, unless you drive a Lamborghini or play quarterback for the NFL.
“Me regalas una botella de ron porfa,” can I have a bottle of rum, I said in Spanish to the waitress, when she walked past us.
She brought us a full bottle and some little plastic cups.
“Salud!” I said. We all took shots.
At this point, the two hotties were starting to look at me like I was a tasty banana. I couldn’t have been happier, I got up from our booth and we all went to the dance floor.
Ted was moving so awkwardly as he “danced” that I burst out laughing. He didn’t have any dance skills to speak of, but he was having a great time and that’s the most important thing about going out in Latin America. Nobody gives a fuck about what you look like, they just want to have fun and celebrate the moment.
Little miss poodle head was dancing all over him. I fed them some more shots as she grinded up against his dick with her little flabby ass. I could actually see that he had a hard-on through his pants WTF. He must have had a lot of built-up fluids in his system, cause that ugly little creature got him going. They started to make out on the dance floor.
The booze was really flowing at this point – I ordered another bottle of rum. When you drink and dance at the same time in a hot environment, you don’t get so drunk, because you are sweating profusely and you’re high on hormones, which is like a drug within itself. The energy and liquor were surging through our pumped-up veins!
I started to dance with the hotties. I was in between the two of them and I felt like the New King of Colombia. The DJ was playing all the right songs, and these girls were loving it. I went in to kiss the hottie named Lorena, she didn’t move her face to the side. She looked right at me and pushed her tongue deep in my mouth, which tasted horrible, but I didn’t care. Everybody was happy and having a blast, so what if the girl hadn’t brushed her teeth for a long while. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the needs of your dick, damn it!
I turned around and didn’t see Ted anywhere. What the hell! I broke away from the hotties and walked towards the back of the club, searching for my friend. I had to push through more than three hundred people. In the process, I became a human liquor sponge as everybody accidentally spilled their drinks all over me. Oh well, it comes with the territory.
I finally made it to the back, and saw Ted in the lounge area making out romantically with schnauzer lips.
It was nasty. She was really going strong and groping at his crotch, right there in front of the intoxicated multitude. But no one seemed to notice, they were all too busy drinking, dancing and looking for their own spontaneous flings for the evening.
“Hey, let’s go man!” I shouted through the loud piercing music. Attempting to save him from the horny creature, but her will was too powerful and she clung on to him like a desperate female monkey in heat.
“No, I’m staying here with Olga!” he shouted back. He must have been really fucked up from the copious amounts of rum and jetlag combination. His sense of judgment was nonexistent.
“Alright bro, suit yourself,” I said, as I smoothly pulled a condom from my shirt pocket and placed it in his. I know how these things play out.
I left my buddy with his prize and started shuffling back through the crowd to look for the hotties. I didn’t even know where the two average chicks were, and I didn’t care. I just wanted the hotties and was hoping for a threesome.
I struggled through the enormous crowd, inch by inch, spill by spill, my shoes were stepped on about ten thousand times.
I get to the front area of the club, wincing out of breath from all the accumulated heat being passed onto me from the party people and saw the hotties out of the corner of my eye, and what I see them doing gave me an enormous feeling of joy!
They were standing intertwined in the middle of the room, making out with each other! Going at it intimately with big nasty wet kissing action. I felt like a little Irish kid staring at a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!
One of them was still holding the bottle of rum and in between kisses they shared swigs of the poison; unbelievable. There’s nothing hotter than seeing two super-fine Latinas licking each other like that in such a debaucherous and passionate way!
I began to adjust my shirt and hair, wiping off some of the beer stains, trying to look good and pump myself up with confidence. I stepped into the action, ready to conquer both of them.
“Hey, Lorita y Lorena!” I yelled, trying to get their attention as they grinded on each other in a drunken haze, then Lorena looked at me with big sad puppy eyes, pointing to the rum bottle. It was getting low!
“Ya vengo!” I said in her ear. I turned and headed towards the bar to buy another magical bottle.
The place now looked like a scene out of the Wolf of Wall Street. Guys were humping girls, people were moving in a huge synchronized rhythmic wave of pleasure, and some other poor bastards were passed out, laying around on their seats, barely keeping their bodies from crumpling to the wet floor. It was absolute madness I tell you!
Anyways, I reached the bar and ordered a bottle. This would have been our 3rd or 5th of the evening, I don’t really remember. I was feeling good and buzzed and happy. The bartender handed me the booze, I paid the man, and headed back towards my pair.
When I got to the girls, to my grand disappointment, they were no longer alone, but were dancing with some other random dudes, with even better dance skills and looks than I had!
So, I took my bottle of rum, sat in the darkest corner of the club, and drank alone, trying to understand what the hell just happened to my night…
Things don’t always work out the way you would like in Latin America. You won’t always get the girl and sometimes the girl you do get isn’t very attractive, but she’s still fun to hang out with, like in Ted’s situation.
I recommend that you go with the flow and enjoy the ride. Every unpredictable moment in LATAM is a moment worth remembering.
To all you youths (or older dudes) out there who are getting ready to spread your wings and fly to the Latin World for the first time, I encourage you to go out and explore, meet new people and have amazing experiences. Challenge yourself and do something you would never do, something exhilarating and uncomfortable. These types of experiences will make you grow so much that you’ll go back to your old life changed and renovated…
Happy Partying Friends!